Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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