don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
