before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
