Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
