Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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