I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
