By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
