i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
