is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
