forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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