Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
