The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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