Pappa wants mamma naked
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
