how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
