Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
im on a boat
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