I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
