standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
