I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
