first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
