i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
