I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
