Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
