I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
