I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
