he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
