So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
