Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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