wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
