Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
