So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
