I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
