jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
