Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
