I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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