I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
