My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
