You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
