she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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