If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
