ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
