She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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