Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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