Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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