he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone owes me an orgasm
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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