So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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