the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
