arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
