he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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