I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
