u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
