I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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